Got Bleach?

This vacation post time out brought to you by the good people at Clorox. I'm sorry for what you are about to read and the words that are about to come out of my mouth on the beautiful Sunday morning...but here it goes...

Oh for shits sake...REALLY? REALLY? So, this morning the plan was, Zach was going to do a little lawn work for a few hours and I was going to take a "mommy time out" and go sit by a pool with one of my friends for a few hours. Here is how our morning really went...

Fixed everyone breakfast, girls finished and went off to play. Jake ate, and ate, and ate, until he looked like he was going to explode and we cut him off. I asked Zach if he could go get the bath running for the kids while I cleaned up the kitchen. "I will, right after I go poop". Me, "Never mind, I can get all 3 in and out before you are done". I get the bath water running and go into the playroom to collect up the kids and smell poop. The 4 year old pooped her pants. Off to the bathroom we go for clean up, pull up, and timeout. I get the house smelling like poop covered by air freshener, and move on to putting the other 2 kids in the bath. Can't stand the smell of the kids bath so I throw them into our tub. Somehow didn't notice the smell that Zach just left us, but it was too late...kids are in. I go to the other bathroom to collect up bath toys, and return to my tub to find Jake pooping. I laugh a little, get Gracie out before the big turd floats over and touches her and tell her to stand still (because she is now covered in "poop water"). I get Jake out, clean him up and get them both in the other tub. I go back to my tub to start the decon process to hear Gracie screaming at the top of her lungs, "MOM, JAKE POOPED AGAIN...LOTS OF POOP MOM...POOP EVERYWHERE MOM". Yep, he finished up in the other tub. I now have 1 kid crying in the bedroom for pooping her pants, 2 bathtubs that have been pooped in, and 2 kids covered in poop water. At this point, I'm at a loss as to what to do. I have nowhere to clean the kids up. I seriously thought for a split second (ok, it was 2 seconds) about taking the kids in the back yard and hosing them off. LOL. I didn't. Zach and I got the bathrooms all cleaned up, kids cleaning up and in the playroom. Everyone is happy, and poop free. So I thought. We are sitting there combing nice clean hair when I look over and see the F'ing cat throwing down some Hershey Highways (sliding her butt on the carpet to get the poop off) on my freshly shampooed carpets! I couldn't help it...the only thing that could come out of my mouth at that point...

"OH FOR SHITS SAKE". Then I laughed, cleaned up more poop and told Zach I was going to start drinking. Ya, it's only 10:00am by this point, but it's 5 o'clock somewhere right?