Better to know?

This may seem like a very random post for today, but it's something that has been running thru my head for the last few days. When Jake was born and diagnosed with Down Syndrome, EVERYONE asked if we would have rather known early on in the pregnancy, or if we would have rather had the big SURPRISE? I have always had a really hard time answering that question. On 1 hand, there is our situation...had multiple tests done all that came back negative for ANY kind of health issues (no DS, no heart issues, no under developed anything). Like anyone else who knows little about DS, we didn't think twice about it, because we are both in our early 30's and have no family history (that we know) of DS in our families. It just wasn't something that we even considered to be an issue. Then, 12 hours after birth we got the news of our lives, and it was the most difficult news I've ever had to digest. We went those 12 hours believing we had a perfectly typical baby (with webbed fingers) sitting with us. Later in that night he started showing signs that he was having a hard time breathing. He spent a few days in the NICU, and a few more days on Peds being watched...the rest in on Jake's story page! So would I have rather known that Jake had DS during my pregnancy...Yes & No. See, I still can't answer that. I could say YES, because had we known, we could have had more testing done to see that he had a HUGE hole in his heart, that he had some under development issues, and our first experience with our new born son could have been a whole lot different. We could have had the appropriate doctors/nurses in the room, he probably would have been taken to the NICU right away, the list goes on and on. But then the "what if's" kick in. What if we were told he had DS, spent 8 months worried sick to find out he didn't have it? Would I always wonder why his test came back positive? Would I always be looking for things to be wrong with him for answers to why his test came back positive? I could say NO, I would rather not know (which we didn't), and you know how that story plays out. But now I find myself questioning whether or not knowing really makes a difference. Here is why... Jake is by most standards healthy now. After each of his illnesses, we learned a little more about him and learned how to make him healthier. After 15 months of the most traumatic illnesses, 3 surgeries, more doctors visits than I care to think about...it all just stopped. Jake is healthy. That is hard to digest, believe it or not. So a few days ago, Jake woke up in the middle of the night breathing really bad, coughing a nasty barking cough, and just all around miserable. My very 1st though...go pack your bag, were going to Seattle. Does that fear ever go away? After about 3 days, he seems to be over it! And yes, I want to throw a party! Jake kicked his first illness without a Med Star flight, stay at Seattle Children's, Kadlec ER, or even the doctor's office visit. AMAZING! So now I'm stuck thinking would it have been better to know and process all this info during pregnancy, or since I didn't know, will I forever think that every time Jake coughs I need to pack a bag?