Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Wednesday please!

It's Tuesday. Tuesday really shouldn't be this hard. It was a year ago TODAY that Jake stopped breathing, and for a much shorter time, so did I. I remember the entire day like it happened yesterday. It's incredible. It's gut wrenching, heart breaking, over powering, exhausting. I so badly just want this day to be over. I would like for Wednesday to be here. I know you probably think I am crazy for still reliving this 1 year after the fact, knowing how Jake's story turned out...so far. But it is a day, a event that I will NEVER forget. I don't think those feelings can or will ever go away. I just hope that as each day, month, year that goes by I figure out a way to push it a little further back in the memory bank so that I don't have to have these feelings every March 23rd.

For the first time today, I read the short story Welcome to Holland. If you haven't read it, google it. It will take you all of 3 minutes to read. It could not have been written any more perfect. It explains EXACTLY what it's like having a child, different than what you expected.

Jake had therapy today, I took my camera. I wanted to take a few shots to show myself how far he has come, since last year. We laughed at therapy because he's trying SO HARD to crawl. He even looks like he made up his own version of "The Worm". He does his funny little army crawl. He contorts his little body so much that he looks like a snake, side winding. It's pretty funny.

So, for the rest of today the plan is to finish up some housework, make some dinner & cookies, tuck my babies into bed...and wait for Wednesday. And if all goes well, there will not be any more tears today. Good or bad. Although tucking Jake into bed tonight might be a little difficult to do without a few tears...of joy.


Josette said...

It does get pushed further back. You wont forget but when you think about it its more like wow we survived that.

Auntie Carrie said...

UGh....I remember this day a year ago too! I can't imagine what u felt!! I remember getting the call from Patty, cuz she knew that I had just been up there visiting. I called her when I left the hospital and told her I was worried! Oh gosh....the tears then AND now....! I remember I kept asking her 'how's Julie?' I couldn't even fathom! On the bright side....God gave Jakey a new breath of life and through him, Jakey's given us all a new outlook on life!:)

Liz said...

Hi Julie, I just found your blog from Kelle's site and I LOVE it! Your kids are beautiful... Jake is adorable! I have a son with Down syndrome and he just turned 3 this month. I also have a 22-month-old whose name is Jake, too. :) Just wanted to say, love your blog! I hope you don't mind if I "follow" your family... I think our blogs are great ways to share DS awareness with the world! :) We have an amazing blessing!(www.campanilefamily.blogspot.com)